Day 13

Tomorrow is big weigh in day! I'm a little nervous to be honest. I had a few meals that I didn't know how to count points and that always throws me for a loop! It makes my choices not always adventurous, cause I never know how to break things down when they don't have the nutrition listed on the package. I exercised every day of the week so I know that will help, however they say that when you first start to work out your muscles can retain water so don't feel bad if you don't lose alot. Well see this doesn't fly with me, I need results, I love to see the scale go down, such mind games and I'm aware of it but I still let it affect me. However I can tell in other things such as clothes that I am indeed losing something. The other day I put a tank top on that I wore on the cruise and it fit alot looser than it did then, so that was a good feeling. However I go boppin in  the gym like I'm the cats ass and then quickly brought to reality when I look in the mirror haha. I kinda get that when I'm on the spin bike too, I think I'm going so fast but not really! Oh well at least I'm there right? and some day I will look in the mirror and maybe not recognize myself. That would be awesome! Yesterday I was sooooo sore from the weekend workout I thought I was gonna die, I took 4 Advil every 6 hours and took 2 hot baths. This morning it wasn't to bad and after going to spin class this afternoon it seemed to loosen everything up again, its a good kind of pain I guess, but still painful and makes me feel 80.

So tomorrow at 5 :15 I go weigh and hopefully please oh please lose 3 pounds! Then after I am meeting my dad for dinner. Have I ever mentioned that I really like my dad? My  mom is in California with her sister and parents for awhile and just to make sure my dad doesn't eat cereal all week, I thought it would be good to eat with him. My goal here is to eat something healthy after weigh in. In the past I have always used the night after weigh in as a "eat whatever and as much as I can" night. I'm not kidding. I would lose 3 pounds and then go to Hasty Freeze and eat a Cheeseburger and Fry and then come home and eat whatever else I could get my hands on.....well now I'm gonna try something different. I don't know why I sabotaged myself like that, I know its ok to occasionally have a treat and a cheeseburger for that matter, but I seriously looked like one of those binge eaters that would shove my whole hand down my throat shoving the food in and lick my fingers cause it taste so good. Hahaha that visual disgusting!

I am a person that doesn't like change, I like it when everyone is happy and gets along, and if something works then have it stay that way forever. When things do change is when I start to feel out of control. There have been a lot of changes in my life the last few years and now some recently with Erich getting a new job. It doesn't bother me that hes not always home, he was a truck driver for petes sake, he used to go to LA all the time, it wasn't until just recently that he was home everyday, I don't have a constant worry about his job, I don't think I am naive, I read the newspaper and the Internet and I watch the news, but I guess that is what God is for, I have to give it to Him, He is ultimately in control. Erich will be leaving Sunday night for his 4 month academy, just to clarify he will be coming home on the weekends so we will see him and hes not far away so we can always get to him if we need to. So with this change, I'm going to use it to my advantage, maybe selfish, but as a time to concentrate on myself. To go to the gym, to get organized, to weed out the bad and focus on the good. So I can be a better mom, wife and worker. Its time for me to take over my life rather than me allowing food or money, or the world take over mine. I'm not sure where this all came from, I'm a little random, but these thoughts were in my head as I'm sitting here. I guess my challenge is that if you don't like change, use the change to your benefit to make you stronger and grow, if we all just stayed stagnant we wouldn't get anywhere in life. The obstacles we go thru and overcome, makes us who we are. To be honest I have to keep telling myself this, I haven't accomplished all this, this is my real life goal. Anywho I ramble alot.

So tomorrow I will check in with weight loss results and what I had for dinner. I need to be accountable and if you see me in the Hasty Freeze drive thru..Honk and tell me to leave :)