Stop calling yourself names...

I am  guilty as charged, but on my way to work from the chiropractor this morning I had an epiphany.

I am the first person to call myself fat, to point it out (like people don't notice bahahaha) its a defense like..."Yeah I know I'm fat, I'm not in denial so you don't need to say anything" I defend my running alot with this also. I feel like when I say I run I feel like I need to follow it with..."Ive run up to 10 miles so I can run" its not boasting, its me trying to defend my not at all runners body. I feel safe at the gym, mostly  because I see these people every day and they know what I'm capable of, but my biggest downfall is self criticism and it needs to stop for me...for everyone

While I am exercising all kinds of thoughts go thru my brain, when I show up for a 5k or a 10k, I look around at every ones gadgets, cute little running skirts, and 6 water bottles strapped to their waists and I think "Um I'm a little out of my league, I just start running and pray I make it back breathing, I have no gadgets or tricks" Then begins the self talk...who do you think you are?, you are not like these people, you are not little or cutesy, they are all staring at me waiting to see if I fail (seriously this kind of talk goes on inside me) then I have to switch gears to...you can do this, you have done this, you've trained for this, you are not a wimp and that has to be repeated over and over, and sometimes its 30 minutes of repeat and up to 2 hours, depending on how long the run.

So what I'm about to say next, is in no way meant to sound arrogant or am I trying to say look at me, it is simply about how one persons words can change what you think about yourself and pushes you to the next level. I have been seeing the chiropractor now for 3 weeks, this morning as I was telling him about my running and getting in trouble for the 2 mile run I did yesterday that I wasn't supposed to, he called me....an athlete. I could have married him right there. I have never been called that, nor in my life since High School have I ever thought that about myself. It made me see myself differently, that maybe I am ready to run with the big girls (and by big girls, I mean the ones that look like they run lol) So as I'm driving home with a grin the size of Texas, I thought, why do we beat ourselves up, and why are we so hard on ourselves ?!? Self destructive talk is so harmful and I think holds us back from what we are capable of doing. So stop saying that you are too big to exercise, stop calling yourself fat, stop being disappointed in yourself. Be proud that you are moving and breathing and trying to change things, be proud of each goal you complete...NO MORE BEING MEAN TO YOURSELF!

Disclaimer: I hope everyone knows that the stuff I talk about, I only say to possibly connect with someone who may be feeling the same way, not in any way to talk about myself like Im something neat. I struggle every flippen day with my eating habits and sometimes when Im at the gym I feel like saying..screw this, Im done. I am new to all this, Im changing on the outside but the inside is what needs the changes, the way we think about ourself.

Its been awhile

Its been awhile since Ive checked in, mostly cause Ive been in a funk and couldn't get myself out of it. In my life I am either totally organized, house clean, exercise and eat right or I'm totally opposite and everything is blown to heck and I'm a hot mess. Normally I can snap out of the latter one but this one threw me for a loop.

The week of Christmas I ran 6 mile the Monday before and then Christmas Eve morning I decided to run to my parents house from our house which is 10 miles. Endurance wise I made it no problem but it took a toll on my body after. My right hip has never been the same and its slowed my running down. With that mixed in with the weather and hating to run on a treadmill and rumors at Erich's work there is potential for layoffs, I slipped into a huge slump and have been struggling to get out of it. I justify it with...Ive worked out 6 days a week for a year and I'm entitled to being burned out, when the voice of reality says...if you wanna stay fit this is a lifestyle change not just a flash in the pan. So with that being said Ive done the following...

Monday the weather was beautiful so Rachel and I went on a 4 mile run...it felt great to be outside but the pain in my hip was horrible later that evening, yesterday we found out that Erich was safe from this round of layoffs and we are just praying that things will get better or they find a way to make things work, so there was another burden lifted (for the time being) and then this morning I went to my 1st chiropractor appointment. Dr Fortier works out at the gym I work out at, so I knew he would understand my desire to keep exercising and the fact I wanna run a 1/2 marathon in a few months. The visit went great, he can help me get ready for the marathon and guide me as I go and keep my body in line. However I am not supposed to run at all in any shape or form for 3 weeks. :( Never in my life did I think news like this would make me sad. For Pete's sake in my other life it would have been a dream to be told not to run bahaha. But I'm seriously sad, he told me that I will be fine and will not lose my endurance since I can still spin and he will get me back to shape so I can start running for my training, so I'm glad I went. Its important to listen to our bodies and its important to get correct training. Never be afraid to ask someone for help. When I first started the gym I was intimidated by the trainers, embarrassed that I didn't have the "look" of an exerciser and on and on and on. But really when you break the walls down and start utilizing others knowledge..it makes for healthy success. We can do things on our own, but it certainly makes things more fun when we have friends to share it with.

Now about that jean challenge...I suck! I'm trying but I am still a stress eater and I'm trying to substitute exercising for eating garbage, but it wins every once in awhile. I keep going as best I can but not sure how I'm gonna do :( I think I have 5 weeks left and I'm gonna try my darndest to get as much weight off as I can. So keep moving people, utilize your resources and your friends. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help or to let your body rest. I'm getting excited for the Rock n Roll Half Marathon but not as excited as that 13.1 sticker I'm gonna have on my Suburban.