Tomorrow is the last day of 2012 and I thought it might be therapeutic to recap what the year has brought, some great and some not so great...
In 2012 I finished my 1st half marathon, I turned 40 and I had biopsy...all in that order. Last year I signed up for my fist half marathon that was to be run May 20th of this year, its sounded sooo far away when I signed up but like everything in life, it came fast!! Running for me is alot of things, its a total mind game, it makes me feel like I accomplish something that not everyone can, and its boring as heck. I trained for 12 weeks, running faithfully 3 times a week. The big day came and away I went. I was surprised at my reaction when I crossed the finish line, I had just ran 13.1 miles, never in a million years did I think it would even be possible, but I didn't cry, I wasn't emotional. I had more emotion when I finished my first 10k, it kind of bothered me why I wasn't more reactive, probably is the fact I couldn't feel my legs. I vowed I would never run another one, it was a great experience and a few days later it really hit me and everynight I see my big heavy medal hanging off the side of my bedpost, probably my most favorite piece of jewlery ever cause I EARNED IT! Heidi and I start training for our 2nd half marathon, February 27th. Also this Wednesday I am starting the Biggest Loser challenge at the gym, and this year Heidi's sister April is my partner. Heidi had surgery a few weeks ago so she is on a break from exercising, which has been hard for me as well. Even tho I have lost weight alone, there is something about the accountability of a great buddy and I miss her like crazy.
In July I turned 40, everyone kept saying....PFFFT 40 is nothing, its the best ever, its the new 20. Bahaha oh you all are funny! Now that I'm 40, I was supposed to have a mammogram, during the mammogram they found a spot that didn't look right, they called me back for another mammogram, and then an ultrasound and finally a biopsy. Of course there were days in between and days to think about things. I tried to be positive but it really made me think. I'm not exempt from getting cancer, it could happen to me, very possibly. When I found out everything was ok, I was relieved but I also had a new look on things. I am very thankful to be healthy, thankful my family and kids are healthy. Its real, people really go through all this and have to face that they have cancer, those 5 days I had in between knowing, I cant imagine others having to live through that and then find out they have it. Its scary and makes me count my blessings.
On a personal level, I am struggling. I feel that at 40 I should have my act together, that I am to be strong like my mom is, that I'm a matriarch, that my kids look to me for all the answers and I'm not doing so good with it. As open as I am, I struggle with communication, I struggle with what and who I am. I don't always make the best choices and I have a hard time forgiving myself. This year has been a struggle for me, making bad choices with friendships. trying to repair relationships that are broken, and learning to accept myself. I always wonder if others have struggle with this? Or is this something people really shouldn't be admitting or talking about? I don't know! I don't know what is "normal" All I know is that I'm really having a hard time. We are taught to give everything to God, I believe I do that, but am I not listening? Whats my problem? Im really hoping 2013 brings me answers, and that I can put my focus where it needs to be. I really need to learn to love myself, to accept me for me and not worry about the smalls things, not to over think and just enjoy life. I think I make life harder than it needs to be, I feel responsible for every ones well being, and I take on their burdens, good gosh why?!? This is probably way to much to share and maybe I should be embarrassed to share...I don't know that either haha. What I do know, is that I have a God who loves me regardless, that has unconditional love for me. And being a mom and having that unconditional love for my own kids, gives me such peace in knowing that God and my parents truly have that love for me. There is no manual on how to be a wife, or how to be a mom, I'm doing the best I can and hoping it just gets better! So time to put 2012 behind me, being thankful for all the wonderful things that took place, learning from what wasn't so good and most of all being thankful for all my family being healthy and capable. Happy New Years to everyone, may you find comfort, peace, love and happiness!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I did it...
First I feel like I need to put a close to the "Jean Challenge" I did at the gym. I got into my smaller size jeans, and while I didn't win any prizes, I won the ultimate prize of fitting in my jeans. Ok that sounds so cliche and to be honest I wanted to win something, I knew the jeans fit but come on, lol. I'm glad the gym has challenges every once in awhile to keep me in check and a goal. I found out that I need those.
The greatest accomplishment of my "weight loss/work out" career (all 1 1/2 years of it haha) is that this last Sunday I completed my first half marathon. A year ago in April I ran my very first 5k and I thought I was going to die at the end, I kept running because I actually found it to be a little bit, tiny bit enjoyable. It is a great stress release and I feel good when I'm done. Last December I went out on a trek to see just how far I could run and I made it from my house to my parents house which was 10 miles. I had already signed up for the half marathon by this time, but it was the confidence I needed to know that I was going to be able to do this.
Training started in February and by March I hated running haha. It became a job, my body hurt, and I was just ready for it to get here. Half way thru my training my niece Rachel decided to join me in running and maybe the first week I was saying to her "Come on we are almost there" and by the next week she was saying it back to me...oh to be 19 again. The week prior to the 1/2 marathon, I did the Hippie Chick in Hillsboro, it was a 1/4 marathon. (Now I'm just gonna tell you, cause I'm honest...I wanted a fricken medal! Not all races you attend, do you get a medal. But big one like this you do) so as I'm running to the finish line, people who already did finish, are walking around or heading to their cars and I notice no medals around their neck, I started to think...are you kidding me?!? So I cross the finish line and I was handed a little box, inside that box was the best thing ever...A silver necklace that replicated a medal. I am in love with it. I wear it everyday and it will teach me to keep my thoughts and my mouth shut!!
So since I had dome the Hippie Chick I was reminded that I really do not like the whole "race" atmosphere, all the people and having to run when they say run (maybe I just don't like being told what to do haha) so it really made me nervous for the week ahead and part of me wished I hadn't have done it. All last week I was moody and on edge, the longest I have ever run was 10 miles and was hoping the extra 3 wouldn't have been that big of a deal, I watched what I ate, I drank a lot of water, I googled what to do before a half marathon, its all I could think about and talk about. We left Albany at 5:30am (My family, Rachel, and Heidi) and got there well before the race started, plenty of time for butterflies, and looking at everyone thinking that I didn't fit in. This is still an issue that I need to work on, "Runners" don't look like me, I don't look like a runner, it really plays on the self esteem, but I tell myself that I can prove that I can run. I knew I talked to myself alot, but I never realized how negative I talked to myself, so I have to say that over the last several months I have really tried to turn my talking more to the positive, telling myself that I am something, that I am capable, and that I'm tough...cocky maybe? not trying to be at all, negative self talk needs to stop!
I'm not going to go into all the details of how I felt every mile of that half marathon, but as I was running (there is alotttttt of alone time in ones head) I noticed that there are all kinds that run, some totally cute ponytail girls in running skirts, old people wearing bikini's (no joke) and legs taped up, knees taped up, hydration packs around their waists, and we were all there for the same reason. So it didnt matter what I looked like. When I crossed the finish line I thought I would cry and to be honest my 1st thought was...Where is the freaking bathroom?!? as the days have gone by and I have had time to think about it I actually get a little more emotional, the fat girl who thought all she would be is fat, started exercising, and set a goal to run a half marathon and DID IT!
The greatest accomplishment of my "weight loss/work out" career (all 1 1/2 years of it haha) is that this last Sunday I completed my first half marathon. A year ago in April I ran my very first 5k and I thought I was going to die at the end, I kept running because I actually found it to be a little bit, tiny bit enjoyable. It is a great stress release and I feel good when I'm done. Last December I went out on a trek to see just how far I could run and I made it from my house to my parents house which was 10 miles. I had already signed up for the half marathon by this time, but it was the confidence I needed to know that I was going to be able to do this.
Training started in February and by March I hated running haha. It became a job, my body hurt, and I was just ready for it to get here. Half way thru my training my niece Rachel decided to join me in running and maybe the first week I was saying to her "Come on we are almost there" and by the next week she was saying it back to me...oh to be 19 again. The week prior to the 1/2 marathon, I did the Hippie Chick in Hillsboro, it was a 1/4 marathon. (Now I'm just gonna tell you, cause I'm honest...I wanted a fricken medal! Not all races you attend, do you get a medal. But big one like this you do) so as I'm running to the finish line, people who already did finish, are walking around or heading to their cars and I notice no medals around their neck, I started to think...are you kidding me?!? So I cross the finish line and I was handed a little box, inside that box was the best thing ever...A silver necklace that replicated a medal. I am in love with it. I wear it everyday and it will teach me to keep my thoughts and my mouth shut!!
So since I had dome the Hippie Chick I was reminded that I really do not like the whole "race" atmosphere, all the people and having to run when they say run (maybe I just don't like being told what to do haha) so it really made me nervous for the week ahead and part of me wished I hadn't have done it. All last week I was moody and on edge, the longest I have ever run was 10 miles and was hoping the extra 3 wouldn't have been that big of a deal, I watched what I ate, I drank a lot of water, I googled what to do before a half marathon, its all I could think about and talk about. We left Albany at 5:30am (My family, Rachel, and Heidi) and got there well before the race started, plenty of time for butterflies, and looking at everyone thinking that I didn't fit in. This is still an issue that I need to work on, "Runners" don't look like me, I don't look like a runner, it really plays on the self esteem, but I tell myself that I can prove that I can run. I knew I talked to myself alot, but I never realized how negative I talked to myself, so I have to say that over the last several months I have really tried to turn my talking more to the positive, telling myself that I am something, that I am capable, and that I'm tough...cocky maybe? not trying to be at all, negative self talk needs to stop!
I'm not going to go into all the details of how I felt every mile of that half marathon, but as I was running (there is alotttttt of alone time in ones head) I noticed that there are all kinds that run, some totally cute ponytail girls in running skirts, old people wearing bikini's (no joke) and legs taped up, knees taped up, hydration packs around their waists, and we were all there for the same reason. So it didnt matter what I looked like. When I crossed the finish line I thought I would cry and to be honest my 1st thought was...Where is the freaking bathroom?!? as the days have gone by and I have had time to think about it I actually get a little more emotional, the fat girl who thought all she would be is fat, started exercising, and set a goal to run a half marathon and DID IT!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Stop calling yourself names...
I am guilty as charged, but on my way to work from the chiropractor this morning I had an epiphany.
I am the first person to call myself fat, to point it out (like people don't notice bahahaha) its a defense like..."Yeah I know I'm fat, I'm not in denial so you don't need to say anything" I defend my running alot with this also. I feel like when I say I run I feel like I need to follow it with..."Ive run up to 10 miles so I can run" its not boasting, its me trying to defend my not at all runners body. I feel safe at the gym, mostly because I see these people every day and they know what I'm capable of, but my biggest downfall is self criticism and it needs to stop for me...for everyone
While I am exercising all kinds of thoughts go thru my brain, when I show up for a 5k or a 10k, I look around at every ones gadgets, cute little running skirts, and 6 water bottles strapped to their waists and I think "Um I'm a little out of my league, I just start running and pray I make it back breathing, I have no gadgets or tricks" Then begins the self talk...who do you think you are?, you are not like these people, you are not little or cutesy, they are all staring at me waiting to see if I fail (seriously this kind of talk goes on inside me) then I have to switch gears to...you can do this, you have done this, you've trained for this, you are not a wimp and that has to be repeated over and over, and sometimes its 30 minutes of repeat and up to 2 hours, depending on how long the run.
So what I'm about to say next, is in no way meant to sound arrogant or am I trying to say look at me, it is simply about how one persons words can change what you think about yourself and pushes you to the next level. I have been seeing the chiropractor now for 3 weeks, this morning as I was telling him about my running and getting in trouble for the 2 mile run I did yesterday that I wasn't supposed to, he called me....an athlete. I could have married him right there. I have never been called that, nor in my life since High School have I ever thought that about myself. It made me see myself differently, that maybe I am ready to run with the big girls (and by big girls, I mean the ones that look like they run lol) So as I'm driving home with a grin the size of Texas, I thought, why do we beat ourselves up, and why are we so hard on ourselves ?!? Self destructive talk is so harmful and I think holds us back from what we are capable of doing. So stop saying that you are too big to exercise, stop calling yourself fat, stop being disappointed in yourself. Be proud that you are moving and breathing and trying to change things, be proud of each goal you complete...NO MORE BEING MEAN TO YOURSELF!
Disclaimer: I hope everyone knows that the stuff I talk about, I only say to possibly connect with someone who may be feeling the same way, not in any way to talk about myself like Im something neat. I struggle every flippen day with my eating habits and sometimes when Im at the gym I feel like saying..screw this, Im done. I am new to all this, Im changing on the outside but the inside is what needs the changes, the way we think about ourself.
I am the first person to call myself fat, to point it out (like people don't notice bahahaha) its a defense like..."Yeah I know I'm fat, I'm not in denial so you don't need to say anything" I defend my running alot with this also. I feel like when I say I run I feel like I need to follow it with..."Ive run up to 10 miles so I can run" its not boasting, its me trying to defend my not at all runners body. I feel safe at the gym, mostly because I see these people every day and they know what I'm capable of, but my biggest downfall is self criticism and it needs to stop for me...for everyone
While I am exercising all kinds of thoughts go thru my brain, when I show up for a 5k or a 10k, I look around at every ones gadgets, cute little running skirts, and 6 water bottles strapped to their waists and I think "Um I'm a little out of my league, I just start running and pray I make it back breathing, I have no gadgets or tricks" Then begins the self talk...who do you think you are?, you are not like these people, you are not little or cutesy, they are all staring at me waiting to see if I fail (seriously this kind of talk goes on inside me) then I have to switch gears to...you can do this, you have done this, you've trained for this, you are not a wimp and that has to be repeated over and over, and sometimes its 30 minutes of repeat and up to 2 hours, depending on how long the run.
So what I'm about to say next, is in no way meant to sound arrogant or am I trying to say look at me, it is simply about how one persons words can change what you think about yourself and pushes you to the next level. I have been seeing the chiropractor now for 3 weeks, this morning as I was telling him about my running and getting in trouble for the 2 mile run I did yesterday that I wasn't supposed to, he called me....an athlete. I could have married him right there. I have never been called that, nor in my life since High School have I ever thought that about myself. It made me see myself differently, that maybe I am ready to run with the big girls (and by big girls, I mean the ones that look like they run lol) So as I'm driving home with a grin the size of Texas, I thought, why do we beat ourselves up, and why are we so hard on ourselves ?!? Self destructive talk is so harmful and I think holds us back from what we are capable of doing. So stop saying that you are too big to exercise, stop calling yourself fat, stop being disappointed in yourself. Be proud that you are moving and breathing and trying to change things, be proud of each goal you complete...NO MORE BEING MEAN TO YOURSELF!
Disclaimer: I hope everyone knows that the stuff I talk about, I only say to possibly connect with someone who may be feeling the same way, not in any way to talk about myself like Im something neat. I struggle every flippen day with my eating habits and sometimes when Im at the gym I feel like saying..screw this, Im done. I am new to all this, Im changing on the outside but the inside is what needs the changes, the way we think about ourself.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Its been awhile
Its been awhile since Ive checked in, mostly cause Ive been in a funk and couldn't get myself out of it. In my life I am either totally organized, house clean, exercise and eat right or I'm totally opposite and everything is blown to heck and I'm a hot mess. Normally I can snap out of the latter one but this one threw me for a loop.
The week of Christmas I ran 6 mile the Monday before and then Christmas Eve morning I decided to run to my parents house from our house which is 10 miles. Endurance wise I made it no problem but it took a toll on my body after. My right hip has never been the same and its slowed my running down. With that mixed in with the weather and hating to run on a treadmill and rumors at Erich's work there is potential for layoffs, I slipped into a huge slump and have been struggling to get out of it. I justify it with...Ive worked out 6 days a week for a year and I'm entitled to being burned out, when the voice of reality says...if you wanna stay fit this is a lifestyle change not just a flash in the pan. So with that being said Ive done the following...
Monday the weather was beautiful so Rachel and I went on a 4 mile run...it felt great to be outside but the pain in my hip was horrible later that evening, yesterday we found out that Erich was safe from this round of layoffs and we are just praying that things will get better or they find a way to make things work, so there was another burden lifted (for the time being) and then this morning I went to my 1st chiropractor appointment. Dr Fortier works out at the gym I work out at, so I knew he would understand my desire to keep exercising and the fact I wanna run a 1/2 marathon in a few months. The visit went great, he can help me get ready for the marathon and guide me as I go and keep my body in line. However I am not supposed to run at all in any shape or form for 3 weeks. :( Never in my life did I think news like this would make me sad. For Pete's sake in my other life it would have been a dream to be told not to run bahaha. But I'm seriously sad, he told me that I will be fine and will not lose my endurance since I can still spin and he will get me back to shape so I can start running for my training, so I'm glad I went. Its important to listen to our bodies and its important to get correct training. Never be afraid to ask someone for help. When I first started the gym I was intimidated by the trainers, embarrassed that I didn't have the "look" of an exerciser and on and on and on. But really when you break the walls down and start utilizing others knowledge..it makes for healthy success. We can do things on our own, but it certainly makes things more fun when we have friends to share it with.
Now about that jean challenge...I suck! I'm trying but I am still a stress eater and I'm trying to substitute exercising for eating garbage, but it wins every once in awhile. I keep going as best I can but not sure how I'm gonna do :( I think I have 5 weeks left and I'm gonna try my darndest to get as much weight off as I can. So keep moving people, utilize your resources and your friends. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help or to let your body rest. I'm getting excited for the Rock n Roll Half Marathon but not as excited as that 13.1 sticker I'm gonna have on my Suburban.
The week of Christmas I ran 6 mile the Monday before and then Christmas Eve morning I decided to run to my parents house from our house which is 10 miles. Endurance wise I made it no problem but it took a toll on my body after. My right hip has never been the same and its slowed my running down. With that mixed in with the weather and hating to run on a treadmill and rumors at Erich's work there is potential for layoffs, I slipped into a huge slump and have been struggling to get out of it. I justify it with...Ive worked out 6 days a week for a year and I'm entitled to being burned out, when the voice of reality says...if you wanna stay fit this is a lifestyle change not just a flash in the pan. So with that being said Ive done the following...
Monday the weather was beautiful so Rachel and I went on a 4 mile run...it felt great to be outside but the pain in my hip was horrible later that evening, yesterday we found out that Erich was safe from this round of layoffs and we are just praying that things will get better or they find a way to make things work, so there was another burden lifted (for the time being) and then this morning I went to my 1st chiropractor appointment. Dr Fortier works out at the gym I work out at, so I knew he would understand my desire to keep exercising and the fact I wanna run a 1/2 marathon in a few months. The visit went great, he can help me get ready for the marathon and guide me as I go and keep my body in line. However I am not supposed to run at all in any shape or form for 3 weeks. :( Never in my life did I think news like this would make me sad. For Pete's sake in my other life it would have been a dream to be told not to run bahaha. But I'm seriously sad, he told me that I will be fine and will not lose my endurance since I can still spin and he will get me back to shape so I can start running for my training, so I'm glad I went. Its important to listen to our bodies and its important to get correct training. Never be afraid to ask someone for help. When I first started the gym I was intimidated by the trainers, embarrassed that I didn't have the "look" of an exerciser and on and on and on. But really when you break the walls down and start utilizing others knowledge..it makes for healthy success. We can do things on our own, but it certainly makes things more fun when we have friends to share it with.
Now about that jean challenge...I suck! I'm trying but I am still a stress eater and I'm trying to substitute exercising for eating garbage, but it wins every once in awhile. I keep going as best I can but not sure how I'm gonna do :( I think I have 5 weeks left and I'm gonna try my darndest to get as much weight off as I can. So keep moving people, utilize your resources and your friends. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help or to let your body rest. I'm getting excited for the Rock n Roll Half Marathon but not as excited as that 13.1 sticker I'm gonna have on my Suburban.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Turned my jeans in...
The "Rock your Jeans" challenge started this week, I decided not to buy a fancy pair of jeans, or an expensive pair. I figured that just cause they would end up fitting didn't mean that they would look good. I found a $18 pair on sale and decided to go with that. Yesterday I had to prove to Deana (one of the trainers) that I indeed could not button or zip my new pants. I told her no laughing! I was given a diet to follow, that frankly sounds like its going to miserable, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. So the 10 weeks begins.
Erich has started going back to the gym, which has been nice cause I was sooooo tired of all those guys hitting on me when I went alone. And I'm totally kidding and I'm not that vain so don't believe it! There is no competing with some of the tight spandex Barbies that work out there, and seriously I was kidding. But its very helpful that Erich is on track with me, with eating and exercising. He's a bit more hard core than I am tho so we each kinda follow our own plan.
A few weeks ago I decided that on the Christmas weekend I wasn't going to run my typical Saturday 4 to 5 mile run that I usually do. I run from our house to my work or almost to Target Distribution and back. This time I wanted to see how far I could run. So I told Erich that I was going to run as far as I could and then I would call him to come pick me up. He suggested that I run to my parents house in North Albany. Bahahaha omg sometimes he can be hilarious! So one day I clocked the miles and it was 10 miles almost exact, so I thought, why not try!?! I woke up Christmas Eve morning and thought hmmm, now mind you I am the most unpredictable runner around. I have no rhyme or reason as to what I do, I do eat carbs that night before and drink tons of water the day before, but I really don't know what I'm doing. I told Erich I was leaving and that I would call him, my first goal was to make it to LBCC, as I ran past our shop my dad was standing out on the side walk waiting for me in his coveralls, he smiled and waved (it was pretty cute) my next goal was 53rd street, then onto YMCA, then Hasty Freeze, then I got to the bridge to go over North Albany, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, BUT when I got to Gibson Hill...Holy Mother of Pearl I wanted to die. I checked my run keeper and it said I had gone 9 miles, I wanted to go 10 so badly so that's when you gotta dig deep, and tell yourself if you can go this far, you can go farther and you are not a wimp! I made it in 2 hours and 2 minutes to my parents back door, and I actually felt great! They say that's a runners high, lol I think french fries would do the same. I was so proud of myself and as Erich picked me up and we drove home the same way I ran, I couldn't believe that I actually went that far and didn't stop to walk once or give up. My body has paid for that run these last few days, I'm still pretty overweight so my weight pounding on my joints can be painful. I started taking Glucosimine and it really does help, Ive been running everyday this week and that would not have been possible last week before I started taking it. Just wanted to recommend it to anyone cause I really think it works. Its a little weird tho when I tell my parents I am taking it and my dad says...oh I give that to our dog! So its multipurpose!
This particular post is a bit "look at me" well I guess this whole blog is haha and that's not my intention. Its mostly to document for me, where I am at. I went back and read my old posts and it was right before I was going to run my first 5k. I posted how fast I could run a mile and for me to look back on that and compare to where I am now, it makes me excited to see that Ive improved. And also its for the people that think they cannot do something, its to encourage that indeed you can do something, because if I can do it, then by all means you SO can do it, but it just depends on how bad you want to do it. You have to find that desire inside you and use that to fuel you, it also helps to have friends and fun girls at the gym like I get to have. They all know how hard it is so we smile for each other, its a camaraderie rather than a competition and I am so thankful for them.
Hope you are all having a good start to the New Year, maybe do the jean challenge on your own and see if in 10 weeks you can button and zip your cool pants!
Erich has started going back to the gym, which has been nice cause I was sooooo tired of all those guys hitting on me when I went alone. And I'm totally kidding and I'm not that vain so don't believe it! There is no competing with some of the tight spandex Barbies that work out there, and seriously I was kidding. But its very helpful that Erich is on track with me, with eating and exercising. He's a bit more hard core than I am tho so we each kinda follow our own plan.
A few weeks ago I decided that on the Christmas weekend I wasn't going to run my typical Saturday 4 to 5 mile run that I usually do. I run from our house to my work or almost to Target Distribution and back. This time I wanted to see how far I could run. So I told Erich that I was going to run as far as I could and then I would call him to come pick me up. He suggested that I run to my parents house in North Albany. Bahahaha omg sometimes he can be hilarious! So one day I clocked the miles and it was 10 miles almost exact, so I thought, why not try!?! I woke up Christmas Eve morning and thought hmmm, now mind you I am the most unpredictable runner around. I have no rhyme or reason as to what I do, I do eat carbs that night before and drink tons of water the day before, but I really don't know what I'm doing. I told Erich I was leaving and that I would call him, my first goal was to make it to LBCC, as I ran past our shop my dad was standing out on the side walk waiting for me in his coveralls, he smiled and waved (it was pretty cute) my next goal was 53rd street, then onto YMCA, then Hasty Freeze, then I got to the bridge to go over North Albany, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, BUT when I got to Gibson Hill...Holy Mother of Pearl I wanted to die. I checked my run keeper and it said I had gone 9 miles, I wanted to go 10 so badly so that's when you gotta dig deep, and tell yourself if you can go this far, you can go farther and you are not a wimp! I made it in 2 hours and 2 minutes to my parents back door, and I actually felt great! They say that's a runners high, lol I think french fries would do the same. I was so proud of myself and as Erich picked me up and we drove home the same way I ran, I couldn't believe that I actually went that far and didn't stop to walk once or give up. My body has paid for that run these last few days, I'm still pretty overweight so my weight pounding on my joints can be painful. I started taking Glucosimine and it really does help, Ive been running everyday this week and that would not have been possible last week before I started taking it. Just wanted to recommend it to anyone cause I really think it works. Its a little weird tho when I tell my parents I am taking it and my dad says...oh I give that to our dog! So its multipurpose!
This particular post is a bit "look at me" well I guess this whole blog is haha and that's not my intention. Its mostly to document for me, where I am at. I went back and read my old posts and it was right before I was going to run my first 5k. I posted how fast I could run a mile and for me to look back on that and compare to where I am now, it makes me excited to see that Ive improved. And also its for the people that think they cannot do something, its to encourage that indeed you can do something, because if I can do it, then by all means you SO can do it, but it just depends on how bad you want to do it. You have to find that desire inside you and use that to fuel you, it also helps to have friends and fun girls at the gym like I get to have. They all know how hard it is so we smile for each other, its a camaraderie rather than a competition and I am so thankful for them.
Hope you are all having a good start to the New Year, maybe do the jean challenge on your own and see if in 10 weeks you can button and zip your cool pants!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Its been a long time....
I keep telling my friend Keri that I'm going to start blogging again, so I thought I better follow thru. It helps me get thoughts out of my head and share with people the struggles I have in hopes that maybe someone else feels the same and we can both find comfort in knowing we are not alone and learning together to make ourselves better people. Oh my that sounds really deep....
I walked into the gym last night and noticed a flier that read something like...."Rock your jeans challenge" so I inquire and learn that I need to bring in a pair of jeans that are two sizes to small (they cant zip or button and I have to prove this to staff) and then they keep the jeans, we have 10 weeks to lose weight and if our too small jeans zip and button our name goes into a drawing for prizes. Hmm so I feel I don't do well with competitions like this, I'm kind of a procrastinator and always wait til the last minute to do something, but with a challenge like this you cant wait til the last minute. Do I spend money on a great pair of jeans? or do I borrow jeans from someone? so I'm not out the money when I fail. I know that I should never use the word "fail" but come on lets be serious. You know how many times I have thought I could buy something smaller and it would motivate me to lose weight, bahahaha its never worked, so why would it now.
Ive learned over the last year how I tick as far as exercise and weight loss go. I do not like to compete against other people, like "whoever loses 10 pounds first buys the other a diet pepsi" that kind of motivation doesn't work for me, also I don't like it when people feel like they need to compete against me. I lose weight for one reason only, for myself. I will be honest and say that I don't like to get beat and occasionally this drives me, but what really drives me is bettering myself. (Like going a faster minute mile or doing pushups that I suck at) However I was at a race recently and a lady I had known thru the kids school was there and when she saw me she said "Oh wow are you running?" "Um yes" "Oh so have you trained for this?" "Um yes" and in my head I was thinking lady I hope I kick your ass or you trip and fall! Well needless to say I finished way ahead of her and thought to myself just cause I'm big doesn't mean I cant do what you can. Which leads me to another subject...
Why do I feel the need to explain myself? I went to the Eugene Running Store a few weeks back to get fitted for some good shoes, as soon as I started talking, I started rambling about how I really can run and that Ive lost 60 pounds and that Ive done some 5k's and a 10k blah blah blah and the guy was looking at me like...Who gives a rip woman, I just want to sell you shoes. When I meet people that don't know me, I feel like I have to give my whole history of "if you think I'm fat now, then you should have seen me 10 months ago" its stupid really, I don't owe anyone an explanation and honestly they don't really care and honestly I am assuming what they may be thinking. I am not trying to lose weight to impress anyone, to compete with anyone, to look better than anyone, I just came to a point in my life that I was so sick of feeling the way I do, seeing myself in that 3 way mirror and just feeling horrible and I still have those moments. I have a long way to go and its hard work. I look in the mirror and say...WTH and I get frustrated and want to perform plastic surgery on myself to get this ugly fat off. But Ive also learned that there are no quick fixes, sure you can binge diet, cut out certain things from your life, but what happens when you add them back in? I learned that it needs to be a life style change, the friends I have that have reached their goal say its just as hard to maintain their weight as it was to lose it. I believe that and I know this has to be my way forever. I have the exercise down to a T but the eating, UGH its sooooooo hard!
My insecurities get the best of me most of the time, I feel like since I post alot about my weight on face book that when people do see me they look at me like...hmmm gosh as much as she talks about working out, she ought to look better than that! I tell myself I don't care what people think, and really I shouldn't, but its human, but then I remind myself that I don't do what I do, for them so they can say what they want to say! So lets get back to this Jean challenge...
I'm going to do it! I'm not going to buy designer jeans, maybe some knock offs just in case they end up not even looking good when they do fit. I'm excited for a new challenge, I will not let the word "fail" be part of my vocabulary and I will be blogging my way thru this journey and also about my half marathon that I will be doing in May. I just printed off my training schedule and it gave me butterflies. When I was at the running store in Eugene there was a cute pink sticker that says "13.1" and I cant wait til I can go buy that and put it on my car...its the little things :)
I walked into the gym last night and noticed a flier that read something like...."Rock your jeans challenge" so I inquire and learn that I need to bring in a pair of jeans that are two sizes to small (they cant zip or button and I have to prove this to staff) and then they keep the jeans, we have 10 weeks to lose weight and if our too small jeans zip and button our name goes into a drawing for prizes. Hmm so I feel I don't do well with competitions like this, I'm kind of a procrastinator and always wait til the last minute to do something, but with a challenge like this you cant wait til the last minute. Do I spend money on a great pair of jeans? or do I borrow jeans from someone? so I'm not out the money when I fail. I know that I should never use the word "fail" but come on lets be serious. You know how many times I have thought I could buy something smaller and it would motivate me to lose weight, bahahaha its never worked, so why would it now.
Ive learned over the last year how I tick as far as exercise and weight loss go. I do not like to compete against other people, like "whoever loses 10 pounds first buys the other a diet pepsi" that kind of motivation doesn't work for me, also I don't like it when people feel like they need to compete against me. I lose weight for one reason only, for myself. I will be honest and say that I don't like to get beat and occasionally this drives me, but what really drives me is bettering myself. (Like going a faster minute mile or doing pushups that I suck at) However I was at a race recently and a lady I had known thru the kids school was there and when she saw me she said "Oh wow are you running?" "Um yes" "Oh so have you trained for this?" "Um yes" and in my head I was thinking lady I hope I kick your ass or you trip and fall! Well needless to say I finished way ahead of her and thought to myself just cause I'm big doesn't mean I cant do what you can. Which leads me to another subject...
Why do I feel the need to explain myself? I went to the Eugene Running Store a few weeks back to get fitted for some good shoes, as soon as I started talking, I started rambling about how I really can run and that Ive lost 60 pounds and that Ive done some 5k's and a 10k blah blah blah and the guy was looking at me like...Who gives a rip woman, I just want to sell you shoes. When I meet people that don't know me, I feel like I have to give my whole history of "if you think I'm fat now, then you should have seen me 10 months ago" its stupid really, I don't owe anyone an explanation and honestly they don't really care and honestly I am assuming what they may be thinking. I am not trying to lose weight to impress anyone, to compete with anyone, to look better than anyone, I just came to a point in my life that I was so sick of feeling the way I do, seeing myself in that 3 way mirror and just feeling horrible and I still have those moments. I have a long way to go and its hard work. I look in the mirror and say...WTH and I get frustrated and want to perform plastic surgery on myself to get this ugly fat off. But Ive also learned that there are no quick fixes, sure you can binge diet, cut out certain things from your life, but what happens when you add them back in? I learned that it needs to be a life style change, the friends I have that have reached their goal say its just as hard to maintain their weight as it was to lose it. I believe that and I know this has to be my way forever. I have the exercise down to a T but the eating, UGH its sooooooo hard!
My insecurities get the best of me most of the time, I feel like since I post alot about my weight on face book that when people do see me they look at me like...hmmm gosh as much as she talks about working out, she ought to look better than that! I tell myself I don't care what people think, and really I shouldn't, but its human, but then I remind myself that I don't do what I do, for them so they can say what they want to say! So lets get back to this Jean challenge...
I'm going to do it! I'm not going to buy designer jeans, maybe some knock offs just in case they end up not even looking good when they do fit. I'm excited for a new challenge, I will not let the word "fail" be part of my vocabulary and I will be blogging my way thru this journey and also about my half marathon that I will be doing in May. I just printed off my training schedule and it gave me butterflies. When I was at the running store in Eugene there was a cute pink sticker that says "13.1" and I cant wait til I can go buy that and put it on my car...its the little things :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Finale
I have to say I am kinda glad the Biggest Loser Challenge is over, as much as I need the push, I don't like the feeling of being in a competition, I don't do well with deadlines, I am a procrastinator by nature so when I have a deadline I wait til the end and then finish, cant do that with weight loss. When I started out the journey it was the motivation I needed, I had support and a cash prize in sight. In the end I got so much more....
When I first started WW, it was all about dumping off as much weight as I possibly could, as fast as I could. I have always heard that muscles weights more than fat so I was not going to exercise so it would come off faster. I lost 6 pounds the first week, so that was pure motivation. The more I would research, and talk to others, I realized in the long term, exercising really needs to be a part of my daily life. I want to be an active 80 year old, and I believe that exercise will help me achieve that, also gym workouts were a big part of Biggest Loser. I told you the story of Heidi, who invited me to gravity class and I was praying for it to be full, this class has actually turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I almost vomited the first day and I couldn't walk for days, but to me that is actually a good feeling knowing that my body is getting work it needs. But when you workout hard, and it kicks your butt, you would really hope the numbers on the scale would reflect that as well, its not the case for me. Some weigh ins, I would lose at all, sometimes I would make 2 pounds a week, it frustrated me beyond, because I was working so hard. I went in to weigh for Biggest Loser and Brenda (the trainer) measured me, from the last time I was measured, my hips and stomach area had gone down 10 inches! That made me smile! As much as I focus on the numbers on the scale I need to remember the gym work I am doing is paying off and building muscle, which in turn weighs more than fat, so I do use the the scale to see the progress, measuring is just as much a tool if not more to me. Lesson #1 learned
My routine consists of spin class 2 nights a week, gravity class 2 nights a week, spinning and jogging on Saturdays and jogging on Sundays...I started the jogging for cardio reasons, and to see how much I could actually do. Personally I find it boring, BUT I have never sweat so much in my life and that makes me feel great. I am not looking to do marathons, I am doing a 5k in California, and made that my goal. Last night at the gym I ran a 5k on the treadmill without stopping in 44 minutes. It makes me feel good that even tho I am still quite overweight I have the endurance to complete it. So with that the cliche of..If I can do it, you can do it comes to mind. Lesson #2 learned
My eating...UGH! This is probably the hardest thing ever for me. I want this to be a lifestyle change and I want it to be achievable. I mentioned above that in the beginning I wanted the weight off fast. I'm seeing that its not as easy at that. I like WW because I can eat whatever I want as long as it is within reason, and I just cant eat it ALL the time. Ive been on diets that had the food prepared for me, lost weight, gained it back. Ive been on diets that cut out carbs. white flour and sugar, lost tons of weight, gained it back. I cannot deprive myself of things, its not realistic for me. There is going to be times in life that I will want a piece of cake, and to have the mind set that I cant have cake, makes me want to have cake even more, and the mindset of when I'm done dieting and have lost the weight, then I can have cake, has been my mindset all along and what has put the weight back on. I discovered at Jessica's birthday party that I was enjoying the company of my family that I didn't even really need cake, so I opted out of it. I didn't miss it, and I felt good about not eating it. Saturday night, I went to dinner with some girlfriends and I really wanted a piece of chocolate cake and I had it. It played mind games with me at first, then I reminded myself, I was within my points and I had exercised an hour earlier that day. This is the way I want to live. Knowing that I can enjoy something, in moderation, and excising to offset my choices. Lesson #3 learned
My friends and family...The biggest thing and most unexpected to come from this challenge was the friends I made along the way and the support I received. I mentioned Heidi the spin chick in my very first blog, I had no idea how much of an impact Heidi would have on me. I used to see her all the time at Albany Christian, I always noticed her cause she dressed very stylish, I would see her at the gym and believe it or not, I'm not always outgoing, especially in a place I am intimidated so I really never talked to her, then she approached me in spin class and the rest is history. She pushes me, believes in me, goes out of her way to work out with me, and she is living proof that exercise and eating healthy WORKS! Along the way I also met Lissette, a hot Spanish beauty, who gives me a hug when I see her, and Becca who encourages me, and always smiles. These girls make me want to go to the gym everyday, makes such a big difference when you know your friends are there to laugh with, and understand the pain, and yell at you to keep going cause they believe in you. My friends outside the gym text me with encouragement, some of them have lost weight right along side me, my kids never complained that I go, Jake sometimes goes with me and does his homework and waves from the table. They both went jogging with me the other day and made sure I was ok. Erich always sends me texts from the academy to tell me good job, Jenny at work counts Weight Watcher points with me, Jeana is running the 5k with me, my mom picks up my kids from their activities so I can make it to the gym on time for a class. I am very lucky to have so much support, and kindness in my life. For the 1st time ever I feel like an achiever rather than a failure. Lesson #4 learned
On Facebook I posted that I lost over 17 pounds and 7% of my body weight on Biggest Loser and am at 28 pounds total since I started getting serious in January about losing weight. Our group tied for 2nd place out of 5 teams, we did a pretty good job. I won an award for losing the most weight since the last official weigh in, so that was pretty cool...I'm thankful for being asked to participate and now I'm ready to keep going.
I'm done blogging for now...I thought since I was a talker I would be blogging everyday, and maybe if I had access to a computer more often I would, but I wanted to complete at least this journey and I talk enough on Facebook for the whole town of Albany, I'm sure you will all know whats going on :) Thanks for taking this journey with me....
When I first started WW, it was all about dumping off as much weight as I possibly could, as fast as I could. I have always heard that muscles weights more than fat so I was not going to exercise so it would come off faster. I lost 6 pounds the first week, so that was pure motivation. The more I would research, and talk to others, I realized in the long term, exercising really needs to be a part of my daily life. I want to be an active 80 year old, and I believe that exercise will help me achieve that, also gym workouts were a big part of Biggest Loser. I told you the story of Heidi, who invited me to gravity class and I was praying for it to be full, this class has actually turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I almost vomited the first day and I couldn't walk for days, but to me that is actually a good feeling knowing that my body is getting work it needs. But when you workout hard, and it kicks your butt, you would really hope the numbers on the scale would reflect that as well, its not the case for me. Some weigh ins, I would lose at all, sometimes I would make 2 pounds a week, it frustrated me beyond, because I was working so hard. I went in to weigh for Biggest Loser and Brenda (the trainer) measured me, from the last time I was measured, my hips and stomach area had gone down 10 inches! That made me smile! As much as I focus on the numbers on the scale I need to remember the gym work I am doing is paying off and building muscle, which in turn weighs more than fat, so I do use the the scale to see the progress, measuring is just as much a tool if not more to me. Lesson #1 learned
My routine consists of spin class 2 nights a week, gravity class 2 nights a week, spinning and jogging on Saturdays and jogging on Sundays...I started the jogging for cardio reasons, and to see how much I could actually do. Personally I find it boring, BUT I have never sweat so much in my life and that makes me feel great. I am not looking to do marathons, I am doing a 5k in California, and made that my goal. Last night at the gym I ran a 5k on the treadmill without stopping in 44 minutes. It makes me feel good that even tho I am still quite overweight I have the endurance to complete it. So with that the cliche of..If I can do it, you can do it comes to mind. Lesson #2 learned
My eating...UGH! This is probably the hardest thing ever for me. I want this to be a lifestyle change and I want it to be achievable. I mentioned above that in the beginning I wanted the weight off fast. I'm seeing that its not as easy at that. I like WW because I can eat whatever I want as long as it is within reason, and I just cant eat it ALL the time. Ive been on diets that had the food prepared for me, lost weight, gained it back. Ive been on diets that cut out carbs. white flour and sugar, lost tons of weight, gained it back. I cannot deprive myself of things, its not realistic for me. There is going to be times in life that I will want a piece of cake, and to have the mind set that I cant have cake, makes me want to have cake even more, and the mindset of when I'm done dieting and have lost the weight, then I can have cake, has been my mindset all along and what has put the weight back on. I discovered at Jessica's birthday party that I was enjoying the company of my family that I didn't even really need cake, so I opted out of it. I didn't miss it, and I felt good about not eating it. Saturday night, I went to dinner with some girlfriends and I really wanted a piece of chocolate cake and I had it. It played mind games with me at first, then I reminded myself, I was within my points and I had exercised an hour earlier that day. This is the way I want to live. Knowing that I can enjoy something, in moderation, and excising to offset my choices. Lesson #3 learned
My friends and family...The biggest thing and most unexpected to come from this challenge was the friends I made along the way and the support I received. I mentioned Heidi the spin chick in my very first blog, I had no idea how much of an impact Heidi would have on me. I used to see her all the time at Albany Christian, I always noticed her cause she dressed very stylish, I would see her at the gym and believe it or not, I'm not always outgoing, especially in a place I am intimidated so I really never talked to her, then she approached me in spin class and the rest is history. She pushes me, believes in me, goes out of her way to work out with me, and she is living proof that exercise and eating healthy WORKS! Along the way I also met Lissette, a hot Spanish beauty, who gives me a hug when I see her, and Becca who encourages me, and always smiles. These girls make me want to go to the gym everyday, makes such a big difference when you know your friends are there to laugh with, and understand the pain, and yell at you to keep going cause they believe in you. My friends outside the gym text me with encouragement, some of them have lost weight right along side me, my kids never complained that I go, Jake sometimes goes with me and does his homework and waves from the table. They both went jogging with me the other day and made sure I was ok. Erich always sends me texts from the academy to tell me good job, Jenny at work counts Weight Watcher points with me, Jeana is running the 5k with me, my mom picks up my kids from their activities so I can make it to the gym on time for a class. I am very lucky to have so much support, and kindness in my life. For the 1st time ever I feel like an achiever rather than a failure. Lesson #4 learned
On Facebook I posted that I lost over 17 pounds and 7% of my body weight on Biggest Loser and am at 28 pounds total since I started getting serious in January about losing weight. Our group tied for 2nd place out of 5 teams, we did a pretty good job. I won an award for losing the most weight since the last official weigh in, so that was pretty cool...I'm thankful for being asked to participate and now I'm ready to keep going.
I'm done blogging for now...I thought since I was a talker I would be blogging everyday, and maybe if I had access to a computer more often I would, but I wanted to complete at least this journey and I talk enough on Facebook for the whole town of Albany, I'm sure you will all know whats going on :) Thanks for taking this journey with me....
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