I am guilty as charged, but on my way to work from the chiropractor this morning I had an epiphany.
I am the first person to call myself fat, to point it out (like people don't notice bahahaha) its a defense like..."Yeah I know I'm fat, I'm not in denial so you don't need to say anything" I defend my running alot with this also. I feel like when I say I run I feel like I need to follow it with..."Ive run up to 10 miles so I can run" its not boasting, its me trying to defend my not at all runners body. I feel safe at the gym, mostly because I see these people every day and they know what I'm capable of, but my biggest downfall is self criticism and it needs to stop for me...for everyone
While I am exercising all kinds of thoughts go thru my brain, when I show up for a 5k or a 10k, I look around at every ones gadgets, cute little running skirts, and 6 water bottles strapped to their waists and I think "Um I'm a little out of my league, I just start running and pray I make it back breathing, I have no gadgets or tricks" Then begins the self talk...who do you think you are?, you are not like these people, you are not little or cutesy, they are all staring at me waiting to see if I fail (seriously this kind of talk goes on inside me) then I have to switch gears to...you can do this, you have done this, you've trained for this, you are not a wimp and that has to be repeated over and over, and sometimes its 30 minutes of repeat and up to 2 hours, depending on how long the run.
So what I'm about to say next, is in no way meant to sound arrogant or am I trying to say look at me, it is simply about how one persons words can change what you think about yourself and pushes you to the next level. I have been seeing the chiropractor now for 3 weeks, this morning as I was telling him about my running and getting in trouble for the 2 mile run I did yesterday that I wasn't supposed to, he called me....an athlete. I could have married him right there. I have never been called that, nor in my life since High School have I ever thought that about myself. It made me see myself differently, that maybe I am ready to run with the big girls (and by big girls, I mean the ones that look like they run lol) So as I'm driving home with a grin the size of Texas, I thought, why do we beat ourselves up, and why are we so hard on ourselves ?!? Self destructive talk is so harmful and I think holds us back from what we are capable of doing. So stop saying that you are too big to exercise, stop calling yourself fat, stop being disappointed in yourself. Be proud that you are moving and breathing and trying to change things, be proud of each goal you complete...NO MORE BEING MEAN TO YOURSELF!
Disclaimer: I hope everyone knows that the stuff I talk about, I only say to possibly connect with someone who may be feeling the same way, not in any way to talk about myself like Im something neat. I struggle every flippen day with my eating habits and sometimes when Im at the gym I feel like saying..screw this, Im done. I am new to all this, Im changing on the outside but the inside is what needs the changes, the way we think about ourself.
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